


Drifting (Reunion)

by blindtaleteller



Series: Platovember Prompts 2020 [30]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Gen, M/M, Platovember, Platovember 2020, Pre-Relationship, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28381428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindtaleteller/pseuds/blindtaleteller
Summary: A little under a month after Lolo (Loki) faked slipping back into what equates to a coma, Tony is summoned back to Asgard. He hopes, for good news; and a chance to talk to his favorite alien prince, without blowing any remaining cover he may need to make his exit after taking on Odin's face. Or making how they parted, that much more difficult to accept. Because there's a question he never answered and is kicking himself for; mostly, because that question had been posed in the form of an unexpected kiss from his best friend..
Relationships: Loki & Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark, frostiron, platonic - Relationship, pre-frostiron - Relationship
Series: Platovember Prompts 2020 [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1999015
Kudos: 6
Collections: Frostiron (loki/tony), Loki, Platonic Relationships, Prompted Writing





	Drifting (Reunion)

**Author's Note:**

> My GROUNDED (Door/Universe 8) Tony and Loki wanted this one; and it's more than a bit angsty/emotionally tense. Like Guilty (Loss) with Clint, and the out-take One More; this one takes place during that period after their Barton snapped and shot the safe-buster at Loki on the dock. It's an out-take I never wrote up fully and in the end took out as an idea in part just to set up for the Civil War arc which that's just finished in that book. The Dr. Strange arc is next there; and the next chapter is on it's way.
> 
> There's a song that goes with this era of GROUNDED, from the Christmas after Frigga's murder on through all the way to the end of the end of the Civil War arc, if not a little past it as a kind of overlaying track to Loki's end of the story; but is also sung in my head through Tony's soul in this era too. You could say it's the title theme song for that era in their universe, if it were presented as an album. The lyrics and especially the feel of a very specific rendition holds it's place here. If you want to listen to it, you can find the link to it on youtube at the bottom notes.
> 
> =====================  
> Hard to believe this is the last one on the list! Looking back at the past two months I am kinda surprised I managed doing what equates to a fic every two days.
> 
> Knowing me; there's probably going to be the equivalent of a 'bonus track'.
> 
> And probably a few new series cropping up just because: I enjoyed this, and; stretching the other muses as well as how well the Platovember 2020 series has gone over so far has helped not only keep up my inspiration, but given me a better handle on some of the muses present. Some of which even I wasn't aware were quite as developed as they apparently are.  
> Anyway! Yeah; pretty likely there will be at least a Bonus short; and a regular bunch of others and out takes from the Lokiverse series as a whole in the future. I hope you've enjoyed at least some of the series peeking into the doors of the joined universes in my head.
> 
> This part is definitely important too: I'd also like to thank the supporters, commenters, rebloggers and just you readers in general for putting up with my crazy, and the wild ride this probably has been: and for those sticking around to see specific stories and universes will continue to be. SERIOUSLY. YOU GUYS KEEP ME POSTING OUTSIDE OF MY OWN DOCS FOLDERS AND OCCASIONAL BLURBS ON MY BLOG ON TUMBLR.

  * IDENTIFY LOCATION: CHARMER - INTER-DIMENSIONAL IDENTIFICATION CONFIRMED : HVRA0616-9H-08
  * \---INTER-UNIVERSAL DOORWAY ENTRY POINT H8 : OBSERVATIONAL STATUS - TVA INTERFERENCE: _NOT DETECTED_
  * \----MIDGARD NORTHERN HEMISPHERE : NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT : SUBURBAN AREA DETECTED - VISITATION CAUTIONS _RECCOMENDED_ : THIRTEEN, UPSTATE NEW YORK
  * \------KNOWN DOMESTIC TIME VARIANCE : 9:47 PM US EST



##  ** -//drifting\\\\- **

Hands balled up into white knuckled fists in his pockets on the lawn; and it was cold still at the start of February, but that wasn't why. Eyes on the grass poking through the light snow left over through the tail end of what had been shaped into a mild winter because Tony couldn't pull the stiff from his spine without the idea he might end up squatting in the pepperings of green the moment he let it up; trying not to devolve into a shaking mess of jello; trying not to overthink or feel out the nerves behind where he was going and what he was headed into.

New York wasn't this tense, or scary. Chasing crazy elves through unseen holes in their universe, not knowing which side was up? Nope. Not that either.

Well; they were, but it was very different. Disconnected by comparison.

_Too close,_ that's what it was. Hope and dread and relief all with a life of their own inside him; hanging out on a knife's edge between being had one way or utterly destroyed if things tipped in the other direction: hopping up and down and pushing at the want to make the answers on his own real. And slicing him up inside like a million paper cuts through the wait. For that boom, a few yards out Tony knew was coming. For the face he knew was going to be among his escort; and the face he wanted that wasn't going to be.

Stars, peeking back at him over the rooftop when he looked up at the dark windows on the third floor and the barely seen airy curtains Lolo had put up there, left drawn to one side. The lack of light, motion and music to that space and others; was another thing missing where he should have been. The instant thought, he didn't think he could forgive Clint for that gap. The one right next to it, grabbing the him tat had grabbed onto that by the back of his neck and shook him with the reminder that Lolo would argue and smack and rib-jab him out of that thought for whatever burdens he'd taken on for the few shitty reasons Barton had for doing it in the first place. The need to shove it aside, just for that fact alone.

Another few pieces of the hole left behind where Loki wasn't, in a place he had picked out for and sold so beautifully to the team it still pulled the breath out of his lungs to think about; to remember.

_The demo was nothing, compared to that easy knowing smile, the secret he had in his blue eyes when he just reached back; and pulled a string of sunlight from the air around him._

_The finger over his lips before he really made it his, and everything changed. Never, going to forget that moment. Not this lifetime, and maybe not ever._

Thirteen was hollow without those things, and aching, grasping for the man who had a lot more to do with forming their family than and definitely before any of them had realized it.

It wasn't just his room that was darker, without Lolo in it. Teetering impatiently on his heels, grasping from his place on and in a world a half their galaxy away; a measly month after Odin had gone down again arguing with their boy in his sickbed when he and they had been pressing to get him to spend the last weeks of his time in it home, on Earth again; Tony still hated that Loki had swapped places and circumstances with him to fill and control the power vacuum. Hated that he'd put on the old goat's face. Hated more that he hadn't had enough argument to hold up against it when he had been the only one, the only person let in to know. Hated that he was right, and they weren't strong enough, or equipped enough yet for him to do otherwise even where he wanted to.

That they couldn't handle what was coming as a whole, instead of the tiny fraction they had bopped back into the sky-hole by cheating using a nuke thrown at them instead of the mallet in the horrifying game of whack-a-mole that had been.

There were other things too. The missing commentary on the news and weird conversations on politics and more he and Steve got into with Bruce over that and the morning paper in the commons. The weird cereal blessings and other often food related fights in there he always resorted to when words alone weren't enough to yank them out of the funk those conversations always put them in. The fact Steve was playing music himself first thing in the morning to fill the discomfort of the hole where Lolo's used to wake everyone else actually staying at the compound while it was being built out and renovated like a placeholder for one of those daily gaps and reminders of the sucking holes he'd left behind. That Valentines was coming up fast, and Nat didn't have a date. Which meant, she was contractually obligated unless she found one before next week; to go shopping with Pep for a new dress and be Lolo's on the double they'd planned and teased about back during Thanksgiving when they'd been having the 'Midgard Holidays' conversations, and he'd still been chasing her a bit.

_Slow, deep breath in on that one._

Up off his heels again and then down. Because he wasn't sure about much; but he was sure that little pang imagining her in a slinky dress attached to his arm even for a moment _could_ be jealousy and possessiveness. Which was weird, and yet so comfortable a fit it still added to the scare. The idea that he might not know himself quite as well as he thought he did when he looked back. That there was a huge chunk of himself and their relationship he had been taking for granted and passing over by slapping just that one label on it, and not realizing that maybe that one heartbreaking sweet, reverent kiss he hadn't answered might have illuminated a truth Tony was almost more afraid of answering for the fragility of what was forced into waiting for his reply. Just because he'd been so blown, so slow about answering that Lo had managed to get out of the door on the shaky talk and walk out of it and his hall towards court before he even managed more than one thought, never mind a word.

Still replaying that daily. Sometimes several times a day. And kicking himself for the slow, and the avoidance: the too fast retreat back into the face of a man Stark could easily say he despised for having a part in driving that rare kind of duck, cover and run Lolo rarely adopted. Unless the incoming hit could hurt, really hurt. Or already was, hurting. Which just made it worse.

**BUH-BOOM.**

The flash of light that came with it, the hiss of the patterns in the grass he knew too well were there without looking, in his peripherals. Heimdall was a few inches off today. The burn didn't quite match up with the permanent present from Thor's other back and forths next to the compound. He hadn't been facing the landing zone, so the blink was a few waves of his lashes shorter to clear his vision than they might have been in the near dark otherwise. He was looking at Thirteen though; sucking up a little more of the steel of what he had to bring Lolo back to. What was waiting for him, and who; too.

Steve coming into view from the back kitchen with a cup of coffee, and dim as it was; he saw Bruce come up to his shoulder to look too. Nat trying not to with her coffee at the counter inside behind them and failing with that glance that turned into a long look. Thinking most of the same things; and he knew it. They wouldn't get any sleep til he came back; whether he was empty handed with his fists still in his pockets when he did: or sporting a grin and maybe a onyx haired audiophile of a prankster at one elbow. And god, did every one of them need that last one to happen.

" Tony.. " was trailed at catching sight of them from the big blond who, he knew wasn't alone just by the slight crunch of fried and smoking grass under their feet. He didn't look at them right away either. Fantasy brigade might not be all bad, but he had some shitty memories that went with Odin's honor guard too; and he knew very well that's what was standing in wait to one side. The guys were sending him the usual silent message from the commons kitchen though, looking and praying for another Christmas miracle from him as a gift for Valentines; like they always did when Tony headed across the Bifrost alone. " ....Stark? "

" Yeah! " because he had gotten stuck on that wish in their eyes and the plea that none of them could voice, repeating it in his own head in ways they didn't know about too; because they didn't know Loki _wasn't_ back in the coma Clint had bombed him into around the start of December. " Sorry.. " And _shouldn't_ know, and he knew it. Not yet. Even if his conscience was a part of that sharp knife of an edge his own hopes and anxieties were hopping him up and down on. And then there was Thor, right next to him, and really pulling Tony's gaze to blue eyes that were looking concerned but unsure whether he should or had the right to ask, or pry. " ..lost in thought for a moment. "

And Tony didn't know what to tell Thor other than he didn't, not in his book. Not really. He hadn't earned it. What words had been managed, not matching up with either the actions that should have gone with them if they were earnest, was one reason. The words between those; didn't help him into a place where he could be either.

Even with that Christmas present he'd literally thrown at his brother at the wee hours after Loki had woken up for Tony in the last minutes of the actual holiday, like he'd known and just been waiting for the most perfect dramatic moment to open his eyes. Maybe even because of, that present. Even if it had unintentionally stamped that much more permanence into the knowledge of where Loki belonged. And the fact that, that wasn't halfway across the galaxy in a stale hall, on a throne gilded to hide the moldering staleness under it. " Let's get. "

The slow turn and make to follow him back to the gilded lord of the rings wannabes was noted. The down tilt of his head, too. He didn't note the extra, short ribbons in green and black added to the Fantasy brigade's shoulders until they were in the float-boat off the end of the main technicolor track in. But he did note the stiffer line to their mouths and glance to Thor where he was made to finally notice the unusual quiet from Thunder-bimbo too. And the fact his hammer was toting one like it to match and swing with the silver and soft golden yellow.

Tony knew what, or who that golden one was there for, and it jumped up his hope a little that maybe an out had been provided; because that meant someone had passed: or at least appeared to pass, and was being honored. And, with the honor guard wearing it too? That meant a royal, or at least someone close enough to them; someone either loved or who had performed service well enough to merit the whole household putting it on display at least for a time. Because the gold was for their mom. He asked, if shortly and in a sideways way.

Didn't get much of an answer; and didn't know how to take what he did get, or the fact the driver sped up a little when it did get out there. And the stick to his tone when " We will discuss that more, when we arrive at court. " only helped those jumping hopes and anxieties ramp up the constant motion. Was that good, or bad, or both? Was it a cover, or had something changed? Did he need some help somehow? Was the guy that wanted the Tesseract and Scepter ramping up his timeline somehow, or was what of the fleet he had already in their galaxy snapping into harder motion sooner than expected? Had the old man woke his stupid ass up, and he was using this as a way to slip out while he could?

More ribbons, on the way in. It was more than just the guard; and it was driving the see-saw in Tony's head and heart into overdrive. The looks. Recognition of who he was and probably --especially in some cases with the few faces he recognized from previous visits-- who he was to the publicly proclaimed black sheep of the family in particular was sparking a lot more reaction on their way across the last bridge between building-islands than usual. Not the loud kind, not the kind that had anyone doing more than giving him a nodding bow of their head or pursed, overly polite smile tinged with something akin to pity he was divided between not liking and really hoping was a good sort of bad sign instead of just the bad sort.

No different feeling inside, when they took the same turn Stark had all but stomped around to come into the gigantic hall and found it way too crowded for that level of quiet; and waiting: so many heads swiveled and locked onto their entry it amplified that feeling. And that man; or the face of that man at the very least and it's one eye was skewering him on the approach across the football field of people split down the middle to make way. More even than had been present when the old man had actually gone for round two of badly timed magical sleepy time just after New Years.

The formality of their announcement drug out his need to ask for a sign if not just outright, standing in almost the exact place where he had when he had first met Odin face to face; and correctly labelled the old bastard for the overbearing, self important can-do-no-wrong twat he was. Not that he had known just how far that had gone, then. Four months? A little more? With everything that had happened in between, it felt like a year or more had gone between then and now. Not what time had actually been there. And the inevitable that went with that face had Tony forcing up a mask of his own, the smile in it more for imagining finding a way to put out the old bastard's other eye as an automatic reactive thought he just couldn't keep back.

Not when he couldn't keep from remembering how they had left. Not remembering how even those moments of magic, pulling light between his fingers like silk threads; had been marred with the scars of what he'd done puckering with the right motions. Not remembering the monstrous way he had referred to and treated what he claimed was his son. The things he knew he'd done before that, whether Loki talked about them openly or later and the closer they got; just avoided that to spare Tony the inevitable rage his adopted father absolutely deserved.

" Well! " cut the quiet hum of the majority of what whispers were going on to an even more complete standstill. That first question wasn't going to wait a minute longer. It was burning a hole in his throat, not knowing how he should use it and needing to. " You don't seem to have changed much; not that I am terribly surprised by that? " had the Odin on the throne shifting back from his near lean on the king-stick to sit up and look properly down his nose at him in the resulting near silence. Thor shifted beside him, mostly ignored. " But, I am curious; as to whether or not anything we talked about last time _has_ changed; since I saw you last ... what? Last week? "

And barely, that. Every visit between had been the same. Escorted past in the rare instances he had been on the throne when Tony had come by. Guarded straight to Loki's halls, where Odin's spelled over sleeping body was resting out the result of his pushing too hard, arguing for Lo to disconnect from the family he had made and stay with the rotten and rotting pieces of the old one instead. A lot of those had been spent waiting. For Lolo to stride into his own rooms wearing that face, close the door and drop it. For that smile or even the lack of one to show itself instead of the brittle, bitter bastard looking down at him now.

" **No.** " was as solid and short as expected. And answered that question.That was not Odin, looking down at him.

" My stance, has not changed; " was a breath of air and a stifling gag all at once, before the sense of a hit coming had the edges of panic stilling the hopping up and down along the edge of that knife. The shift and implication of it turning all on it's own. " however, my son's status; has. " He loved and despised the way that silence got deeper in the allowed space between, the hope ignoring the way Thor's head turned away and the fact that Eir was slipping in to a place beside the throne a step or three down from Frigga's; pushing her lips together in a way that he wanted to deny so bad; looked like she knew something he was coming he wasn't going to like.

" Do tell...? Assuming we're talking about the same, dark haired son last seen in a coma tucked into his own bed instead of the dungeon: I mean. " There were good possibilities there though. And horrible ones. Plans they had discussed once in the brief between days of the holidays jokingly, that he'd known were actual options if only for the fact that the details were real. He knew how this would have to work; for any of that or something new to be snapped into place.

" We are. " was a little past frigid, just the right level of disapproving and angry at the reminder. Perfect expression, or lack of one past the imperious douchery. If he hadn't seen; if he didn't know: if he hadn't been handed the tells and more to see Lolo in there, Tony would question whether it was him. It wouldn't have been the first time, if he did. Loki had Odin down pat. Perfect. Honestly his brain still struggled on the edge of wishing he had pushed Odin out that window in January: and that had not been Odin, sitting in front of that window, then; either.

Could still be good though. Keep cool and pay attention. Lolo was in his element here, twisting everybody's knobs. Probably going to be fine. Might be able to walk out of here with him. Regardless of the weight pressing the sound out of the room. Regardless of that steeling look to Eir's features, or the fact that Iona was taking her place right next to her, meaning she wasn't even keeping up the pretenses of watching over a illusioned, sleeping Odin. Regardless of the fact there was a ribbon worn, somewhere; by every single part of court in front of and behind him both and then some.

_Right. Please, be right?_ " You have been summoned here, ultimately; to inform you, of his passing. " was not the best on the list of possibilities; but there was worse, wasn't there. It still thumped at his gut the same. Because there was that tiny part of him that doubted his own belief and understanding of the illusion presented. Doubted his faith, and his trust right alongside with doubting himself and the question he didn't think he was going to get to answer today after all. Not with the one piece that didn't fit; standing a few steps down from where Loki was sitting on Odin's throne, with Odin's face. " We have not often been in agreement, you and I. " was the understatement of the century. " However, out of respect for your personal effort and loyalty to .. at least an attempt at recovering his lost honor: twisted and misguided though those attempts may have begun: I would not bar you from the knowledge, nor the opportunity to participate in our mourning. "

" ..me, but not the other guys. " Angry yes, and feeling the pressure of what else was coming press down on him to help the acting along. The shake to his voice and rising burst of energy in the negative 'I so wanna punch you' zone was real enough. " You could have asked for them to come, rather than ask for the opposite. Especially after Christmas. " except, that wouldn't have fit Odin. At all. Knew it; hated the man a little more for it and for collapsing in the first place: but it was true. The entire reason Lolo had that seat, right now; was because he had tried and argued so hard to get Loki to stay without the imprisonment that Tony didn't doubt would have resulted anyway if he'd been awake after; that he had literally passed the fuck out.

_Again,_ as Loki had pointed out. " They will have their opportunity, after today. " was pretty much the brush off he expected too.

Because Odin looked down on them, and especially the bonds they had; almost as much as he did his kid. Because the guy whose face he was wearing was the kind of jackass that had no problem dividing their family if he could because that's what they'd become, and had preened himself into believing that his self-important opinions and personal beliefs were reason enough to try and pull them apart when he was forced to see with his own eye how treasured by the lowly and impermanent humans at Lolo's bedside every visit, every goddamned day in between while he'd been awake to view it.

It wasn't hard at all, to see where Thor got his extra from. Or, his arrogance.

He saw it though; the little chip of grief Lolo was using as an excuse and a knife to cut a peephole and allow him to see things in through the curtains of the act they were putting on; the fact their visits had been very public. The truth of the fact that his almost-freedom had already been agreed to, and the whys presented too loudly for even Odin to ignore the murmurings and potential questioning of his rule and decisions with those things set in alongside him in open court. " The first of our traditions, remains a week long. And for a member of the royal household, begins as all deaths here are tended between his people alone. Allowing you this honor, is a gift in itself; and one I would not offer at all if not for the reasons already given. His body will be seen to his funeral barge at sunset and sent on it's way; with the lamplight of memory and those who might still respect him even in the slightest to guide and keep him on his path forward, to the After and the fields before Valhalla true. "

Eir's face; was distracting him. But also giving him tells. So was Thor's, in another direction; but he refused to see what was there. The blond had earned whatever hurt might be there; but especially the distrust that had him on the outside of their loop to cause it in the first place. He couldn't help the thought; that if he had been an actual brother, sooner; rather than just in name? Thor probably would have had to leave for the fact Thor mostly sucked at hiding things even when they needed to be hidden. At least in comparison to his brother.

" Afterwards, there will be several days of feasting and telling his tales. After tonight's first night; we his remaining family, will begin the closing and sealing of his halls: our bannered ribbons beginning the weave across it's gilded doors only to be continued by those others paying their final respects afterwards in the week to come; where none may pass after the final is tied across it's path at the end of that week. You yourself, were the first to claim him, and responsible for what bonds that followed: therefor the gift lies in breaking with tradition to allow your presence within this ceremony even from the first night reserved for we his family. "

Stupid over-pronounced Ts were dead on too. The screw of his face for the fact he didn't miss a moment trying to write off the fact Lo had thrown the family he'd chosen in Odin's good eye when he'd come to interrupt the festivities with his bullshit. Which Tony was pretty sure was accurate enough; not just for his own viewings of the old man: but for the fact no one in his sight --and there were a lot of people in his sight-- so much as batted an eyelash towards questioning that even silently: whether they knew better like Tony and even Thor, or not. Because yes, Thunder-bimbo took that in with more worry and potential agitation aimed at Tony than at the dismissal from the throne that wording delivered; like he was waiting for Tony to explode.

Which he was very tempted to do anyway. " And _after?_ " Because getting rid of the body with no signs of Tony leaving with anything or anyone but the blond muscle head next to him was not encouraging.

" You and yours, will be allowed a yearly pilgrimage to his door, to add and or tend, your additions to that sealed hall. Beyond that, we have plans to amend, our flagging relations with Midgard. For which correspondence, will be required. "

_Correspondence?_

There went that hope, and there was the reason behind Eir's expression; losing a foot on it's way off the knife's edge into the void below. " Though Asgard will not continue Loki's intention to further your technological gains more than he has already broken our creeds to accomplish during the tenure of his lax parole, I agree that those minute attempts he has left unfinished might be negotiated into completion. And! " that near barked word cut Tony off, made him swallow the words; had the crowd whispering already again. Had Thor gripping his shoulder; trying a bro-jostle he very sorely wanted and ached to just slap away.

Because he got what this was now.

The farthest thing from the miracle he had really hoped he could drag home. " In his more recent memory, tarnished as it may be; my son had made clear what little salvation and comfort claims responsibility for what little reform he may have well been attempting; lies wholly, within Midgard, and especially the attention and presence of it's champions, yourself included and especially. Which, frankly; has put you in particular: ahead, of those others suggested by mine own council for reasons too varied and inclusive to so name again and expand upon other than to say as much. " pause, quiet; the still _down his nose_ stiff frigid stare from the one remaining window for his soul that didn't match the slightly gentled down-tones he pushed into his words.

_Like Odin would have delivered it._

Like he disliked that admission almost as much as he disliked having to feign even a note of true somber regret in Tony's general direction.

I wonder if that part is real? The regret..

The pressure of watching everything tumble off or in and snapping into place? Made his eyes wet. There weren't enough curses in the universe let alone his own head.

Tony spent most of the short remainder of the almost entirely one-sided conversation with his jaw set, because he definitely knew what this was; before the King excused himself for quiet and rest in his own halls, after explaining that Thor himself was going to be his escort for the day too. Not Eir, or Iona; though he was granted their company when he made the suggestion. Went through the motions and kept himself contained, trying to wait with Eir and Thor as they explained the answers to questions he knew he was expected to ask. The hows and what had happeneds, the smaller details falling into place, because he got it.

The old man had thoroughly screwed them; when he'd started this impromptu nap.

Not just with that though, no. He knew this scenario. Correspondence wasn't needed or wanted, unless Lo couldn't move. Unless the old goat had not only not shown signs of not waking up; but actually slipped deeper into Odinsleep and gotten worse.

Lots of talk and awkward silence while he seethed and mourned in an entirely different way than anyone else could get. Waiting through to sunset for a peek, or an appearance of someone with yet another face to step in beside him and let him know there were blue eyes and a cheshire smile hiding behind whatever illusion he chose. Still waiting, when the lanterns went up and out over the water and into the night sky.

Waiting, from the very first step onto the rainbow bridge; to the very last where the realization he wasn't going to show himself at all finally hit home and the sudden onslaught of tears crushed their way out and down his face. Numb and angry and very much feeling like he'd been robbed, feeling Iona's little hand on his shoulder when the rest didn't know what to do with it; along with the realization he might not get to answer that question, that _kiss,_ the way he should. Missed his chance to, again; and knew it.

Felt the door close all over again behind him where he should have been able to jump up and snatch it before it closed: and answer the question for himself, too.

It was right there and Tony had missed it again. He could have demanded the opportunity, and he hadn't.

**BUH-BOOM:** was way sooner in the dead rush again than he was ready for, matching the motion in his mind and covering the click of the latch closing a month ago. Feet in the white dusted grass again, trying to get a grip on something to anchor him versus the hurricane getting it had raging in his head, while standing still. Barely hearing even himself tell Thor to go ahead; give him a few minutes.

His stare at the grass in what was now the eeking hours just before dawn caught the edges of his mind and pulled his eyes up to the kitchen. The worried but immediately comprehensive stare stare Bruce was giving him from the table everyone except Clint was ringed around; and the downturn even Rhodey's expression took on, when he followed Bruce's look to catch sight of Tony staring at them as Thor approached the table.

Hands jamming into his pockets again as the frowns that had been there already solidified; and the hard lines started to set in. Curling his fingers back into fists to find out how to move his feet again when both Nat and Thor looked directly at him; waiting on him to break the news. Tony couldn't keep himself from looking up at that dark space again, two floors up; or the swallow he knew he needed to lie to their faces. Especially, especially with this lie; knowing what it would do, and what else would happen if he didn't.

_Because Lolo wasn't coming back. No reunion to be had here; not with Lolo present._

Even if every one of them had come back to Thirteen hoping that was what this was going to be. _  
_

Wasn't happening, god dammit. Not now, and probably not for a long time. Maybe not until Odin died. And fuck; even Fury was in there. Nick had showed up and was bringing what was probably a refill on caffeine to the table. And that meant, they were going to have to live with the gaping, messy holes left behind; and he was going to have to keep the secret, if anything he needed to do while missing was going to be seen through. Including and especially Thor and his dumb-assery. And the Tesseract. And.. handling the portion of the fleet in their space while he could and while there.

Hated it, the same. Could already see their faces falling, or going still when he came into range of the kitchen lights and they got a look at his. Tony must have looked like he felt, between the tear tracks and the added, down stress.

Like he lost one of the best parts of his life with that one stupid visit, for an undetermined amount of time and, with their life spans versus the very human ones at this table? Maybe even for the rest of what time all of them might have left.

Like the knife had been pulled through the sails before the lightning had struck them and burned them to a crisp; along with losing a very important anchor, and he was drifting, already lost in what was left behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Most of you know I listen to and am inspired by music when I write. It's rare I share the actual tunes here on ao3 though, and not purely on tumblr.
> 
> That said, this era for them does have a particular song as it's overlaying, title track.  
> Teddy Swims -- I Can't Make You Love Me:  
> https://youtu.be/_Bm14Bv1DKU


End file.
